With a number of regular 2s players unavailable on Saturday, with some inexplicably deciding to watch the wholly inconsequential rugby match between England and Argentina at Twickenham, skipper Geoff Taunton-Collins and the OHAFC leadership team had to dig deep to fill three squads.

A season debut was handed to Giles Clarke, who bounded into breakfast with military precision at ten hundred hours, sporting a snappy moustache and bearing some welcome pastries. Harry Woolley, unable to secure the requested orange juice with bits, did provide two whole punnets of button mushrooms and a selection of organic and free range eggs, which host Jack Orr-Ewing whipped up into a tasty omelette and mulch. Taunton-Collins arrived too late to allow the chef to assimilate the spinach into the meal in any meaningful way.

Unfortunately, this wasn’t the last the team would experience of the morning breakfast, thanks to Clarke’s pungent, lingering re-enactment of it in the changing room, presumably for the benefit of the rest of the squad who’d elected not to attend the early morning meal.

As Harrow warmed up for the game, Azhar Khan worked himself into something of a frenzy, barking orders at anyone appearing to enjoy themselves and fretting about the size of the now customary “piggy in the middle” circles. Eyes started to turn to the opposition, who dribbled out of the changing rooms a little behind Harrow, with the more experienced campaigners eager to size up the Citizens for ringers, non-regulation goalkeepers or the man known to most as simply 'Beast Mode'.

It was noted that the Citizens' skipper was a rival to Harrow’s own leader in athletic build, luscious flowing hair and chizzled features; however Geoff sprang back to the squad to announce that he’d lost the toss and the hosts would be playing into the low, glaring sunshine, the sight of 'Beast Mode' sitting on the sidelines with his shirt off creating a temporary panic in the ranks.

Once Harrow kicked off, the game had barely got underway when the Citizens striker, a very tall Geordie chap with a certain menace to his demeanour, elbowed Khan in the face. When the right-back tried to lodge a complaint, the striker looked moronically at Khan and mumbled “didn’t happen, mate, don’t know what you’ve seen”. He then shouted down Woolley after a misguided attempt at irony from the Harrow man, and it felt like the home side were in for a long afternoon.

There was little hope of protection from the referee, who at 17 years old looked like he wouldn’t be able to keep the peace if the game turned sour. But Thomas Prime, who had already officiated a match between the Arsenal and QPR youth teams that morning, did an excellent job throughout the game and tempers never boiled over.

The first chance of the afternoon fell to former captain Jack Orr-Ewing, who had lumbered forward hoping to get on the end of a Lederman free-kick. The veteran landed the ball perfectly on the defender’s head, who panicked a bit at the enormity of the moment and glanced the ball wide.

Shortly afterwards, Max Curry was put through on goal by Lederman and as the striker carried the ball into the box he looked to have been scythed down by the last defender, howls of “Pen, pen!” coming from all over the pitch. The referee waved away the appeals and Curry later confirmed that the defender had made a well-timed challenge.

In truth, the Citizens’ defence looked shaky, not helped by their amateurish 'keeper whose goalkicks and punts did little to calm the nerves. The battle was more even in midfield, where Woolley and Barwick fought hard to get the upper hand against a combative Citizens centre midfield partnership. Woolley was frustrated that his trusty Mizuno boots were causing him to slip over on numerous occasions, mainly driven by his weird method of turning: electing to run in a tight arc rather than pivoting by planting a foot in the ground.

After a decent spell of pressure, Harrow opened the scoring with a superb team goal. It originated on the left, where Lalude and Dalzell had the better of their opposition throughout the first half – Lalude performing a subtle shift of his powerful hips to beat his man round the outside on many occasions. Sumptuous one touch passing, using Woolley, then Barwick, then Lederman as the inside pivots opened up the defence for Barwick to run in on goal. Lederman’s final pass was beautifully taken in stride as the midfielder, golden brown from a two-week trip to South Africa, slotted the ball into the far corner with confidence.

And Harrow were able to give themselves a two-goal cushion a few moments later, again via good work down the left. Dalzell received the ball under pressure and, unsure how much time he had, twisted to flick the ball blindly round the corner into the space behind the defence. Max Curry, who had read the opportunity well, was already on the move and stole a march on his man, carrying the ball forwards and producing a composed finish past the 'keeper.

As half-time approached and Harrow well on top, Lederman asked the ref how long remained on his clock. When the ref replied “7 minutes”, a number of his team-mates were puzzled when Lederman declared that Harrow needed a “big ten minutes”. (I was factoring in stoppages, obviously - DL)

Giles Clarke entered the fray during the break, replacing Dalzell on the left. His energy and good touch was a useful addition to the side and the army man deserved a goal for his efforts. There was a slight panic in the squad when Woolley dispossessed the ever-dangerous Citizen’s winger, Debs, causing a 30 second burst of intense pressing and angry follow through challenges. Luckily he was becalmed soon after, in part due to the stream of soothing compliments and gentle well-meaning comments from Khan and Orr-Ewing.

After a somewhat scrappy twenty minutes that saw the Harrow forwards spurn numerous opportunities to tee each other up, the game was eventually put to bed when Curry slipped a perfect ball through for Lederman to run onto and he skilfully slipped past two defenders with a trade mark shimmy before sidefooting into the net from close range.

Von Hirsh was brought on for Woolley to shore up the midfield and Harrow resolved to hold onto their clean sheet - the German had looked a little feeble on arrival with a cold, but he played well for the final 20 minutes.

Charlie Walsh in goal was rarely tested and the one genuine chance came late on when a through ball wasn’t dealt with, the striker putting the ball inches wide.

In truth it was a solid display from an increasingly confident Harrow outfit - the spine of the team was rock-solid with centre-halves Orr-Ewing and Pratt dominant in the tackle, Jamie Barwick producing a Man of the Match performance in midfield and Max Curry, again, playing the lone striker role with great strength and skill.

The post-match tea was perked up immensely by Jackie Woolley’s production of some chocolate hobnobs but less so by an unopened packet of Tesco almonds, purloined from the Citizens dressing room by fellow season ticket holder Fred.

Indeed, nuts were to play a major role in the celebrations later in the evening when skipper Geoff Taunton-Collins bizarrely exited Maggie's nightclub midway through a sweaty grind to Wham's Club Tropicana to go across the road and buy a packet of salted peanuts from Tesco. The puzzled looks on the faces of the group when he returned half an hour later to offer his nutty treats around confirming that, whilst on the pitch everything is going swimmingly for the side, off the field there are still a few glitches that need ironing out...

*Thanks to Jack Orr-Ewing for this report