As we head into the busy festive period of Premier League football, it's time for an update on the OHAFC Fantasy League standings.

And there is a surprise name atop the 24-team league, with former 2nd XI skipper Arjun Chopra leading the way with a solid total of 817 points from 14 game weeks - an average of 58 points per week.

Arjun's squad, named 'The Egyptian Messi' in homage to Mo Salah of Liverpool, relies heavily on a star-studded sextet in midfield and attack with the remainder of the side made up of a hotch-potch of also-rans and never-will-be's.

Top performers Kane, Morata, Salah, de Bruyne, David Silva and Richarlison, Watford's breakthrough performer, are all present and correct. Less heralded squad members include Burnley defender Ben Mee, Bournemouth midfielder Andrew Surman and Southampton's Ben Forster in goal.

Arjun's tally of points sees him sitting just outside the top 30,000 players globally, not a bad return for someone who now spends more time at the dinosaur-themed mini golf course in Kingston (Jurassic Encounter Adventure Golf) than he does on a football pitch.

Arjun currently enjoys a 13-point lead over 3s skipper Nick Kapoor, who has imaginatively titled his side 'Kapo', with Ed Poulter, a perennial big-hitter in the OHAFC league, four points further back - his side is called 'Your mum', although at this stage it is not entirely clear to whom the 'your' refers.

1s goalkeeper Fraser McGuinness, currently enjoying a winter break in Dubai on his own, sits in fourth with 'Haven't got a Kalou' and the club's leading scorer this season, 1s striker James Breeden, is fifth with his 'Breeden Rodgers' team.

Just two points separate sixth from ninth in the table with Chris Thorn and former 1s' 'keeper Luke Raffety, now a father of two young scamps, a couple of points clear of Conti von Hirsch and Alex 'Smudger' Smith.

David Lederman rounds off the top ten, his fortunes having dramatically improved in recent weeks having changed his team name to the rather amusing 'Murder on Zidane's Floor' - a witty tribute to Sophie Ellis Bextor's catchy tune from a while back.

At the foot of the table, Alex Ellis' 'Money Men' need to 'cash in' otherwise the wooden spoon looms come May. It's also poopy-pants time for the two men above him, although in fairness both Nick Scarborough and Rollo Hovey have corking team names: 'Iwobi Wan Kenobi' for the former and 'The Big Lewandowski' for the latter - clearly the two midfielders are big cinema fans.

In other news, the two weirdos who have chosen foreign names for their sides are deservedly struggling with the strange Alex Breeden using two Chinese symbols for his team and the even stranger Freddie Brunt, due back in London shortly after five years playing keepy-uppy in Rio de Janeiro, calling his squad 'Que isso muleque' - Portuguese for 'I don't know what I'm doing'.

Plenty of time remains for people to make their moves up and down the table, with the next update due in FA Cup 3rd Round week at the start of January.