The OHAFC 1st XI finally got their season underway on Saturday with a long-awaited win against the Old Cholmeleians in the first round of the Arthur Dunn Cup.

Following three heavy home defeats in the League it was imperative the Dark Blues triumphed on Saturday in order to maintain a level of excitement in their season and, although they had to cling on somewhat for the final ten minutes, goals from Alex Breeden, Will Orr-Ewing and Harry Hoffen ensured a deserved win that earns the team a home tie against either Wellington or Chigwell in Round Two.

Preparation for the fixture was as tricky as usual for vice-captain Fred Richardson, with injuries depriving the side of several players and leaving serious concerns over others. Indeed, Reg's physiotherapist sister Belinda ("Binny") had a steady stream of OH footballers onto her treatment table this week. Binny's magic fingers did the trick however, striker Harry Hoffen pronouncing himself fit to play on Saturday morning. Lederman was given the unenviable task of applying some final tape to the Hoffen anatomy, reaching areas he hoped he would never see...

In other team news, Jack Hill travelled down from Manchester on the train dressed in somewhat odd attire: a full football strip, white socks, black astro trainers - possibly he had already played? Possibly he was going to play straight after? Possibly, having had three hours sleep, he had no idea what he was doing when he got dressed in his squalid student flat.

Will 'The Educator' Orr-Ewing found the London Underground was not run along the same lines as his own school, the Central Line delaying his arrival prior to his first appearance of season.

Jaguar Bajwa and Quentin Baker, both named as substitutes, were equally late having had slightly different journeys: Quen departed Tanzania the day before, catching a seaplane, train, bus, jumbo jet and taxi; Jaguar departed half an hour before, driving from south London on his malfunctioning scooter.

Latest of all, somewhat annoyingly, was the referee, who found himself lost in the jungle that is south Harrow on a Saturday afternoon. He did appear keen to make up for his tardiness however, sprinting across the Phil pitches into the changing rooms and getting into his kit in double-quick time before hurrying the teams together ready for the start.

By this time, with the afternoon's Premier League matches reaching their conclusion, a large crowd had gathered on the touchline, half of which was made up of David Griffiths' flatmates. Injured and 'shifty' Harry Woolley, babysitting the crutch-wielding Fred Milln, scanned for any possible future Happn matches. Former players Ed Martins and Charlie Tweddle caught up on how Ed's bridge-designing career was going whilst Club President Andy Butler showed off his large dog and season ticket holder Johnny Williams his medium and small dogs.

As in previous weeks, the Blues made an excellent start to the game and were the better side for half an hour, the front players Hoffen, Breeden, Lederman and Hill combining well and looking dangerous. It was the visitors who came closest to scoring however, a free header from a corner was goalbound before somehow being scrambled to safety from the ever-defensively-alert Lederman.

Having escaped at one end, the hosts then took full advantage of two set-pieces of their own to open up a two-goal cushion on their opponents. First, right-back Johnny Lalude, who is improving with every outing, lofted a speculative ball into the box that appeared to be heading into the 'keepers arms. Alex Breeden had other ideas however, flicking his 'Zlatan-inspired' ponytail at the ball to divert it past the outstretched arms of the Cholms custodian.

Soon afterwards, after another slick passing move had earned the hosts a corner, Lederman whipped the ball into the near post where it was met firmly on the volley by the outstretched leg of Will Orr-Ewing, the 'Educator' having timed his run to perfection following a series of complex calculations he had performed as he came forwards from the halfway line. The ball flew past the defenders on the line, giving Will his first ever 'official' OHAFC 1st XI goal - his previous scoring efforts on tour (and those of his 'eager' brother Jack) remaining, as it were, on tour.

Although the remaining ten minutes of the half became somewhat scrappy, with the main focus of attention being the long-running feud between Johan Harder and his 'robust' opposite man, there was still one glorious opportunity for Harrow to put the game out of reach. A sweeping breakaway which saw the ball switched from left to right and back again ended with Harry Hoffen being denied by a sprawling save from the 'keeper - the goal was gaping as the ball fell to Lederman five yards out, but such was the rocket-like speed of the rebound, such was the hideous cruelty of the horrific bobble, the veteran did well just to get his knee to the ball and watched in agony as it looped just over the crossbar, everyone on the touchline in agreement that it wasn't even really a half-chance, let alone a good one.

The second half proved a tough one for the home side from the outset, with control of the midfield wrestled from them by a determined Cholms team. With Hill pushing on to support Hoffen, Harder and Richardson became exposed in midfield and suddenly the yellow shirts began flooding forward with alarming regularity.

The Educator was booked for a pretty uneducated late challenge but in truth the home side were grateful for the referee stopping the game, with the loose ball ending up at the feet of the Cholms winger inside the Harrow penalty area.

David Griffiths was performing heroically in the Harrow goal under a sustained aerial bombardment from Cholms. Having conceded thirteen goals in his previous two appearances of the season he was determined to restrict the goals against column this time, as well as impress his touchline fan club.

But there was little he could do when Cholms pulled a goal back on the hour. Similar to a couple of Tonbridge's goals a week before the inception was Harrow losing the ball in midfield and leaving too much space between the centre halves, the ball finding its way to an onrushing midfielder who skipped round Griffiths and coolly slotted home.

Nerves on the touchline were jangling but were soon calmed when Harrow regained their two-goal cushion in fine style less than ten minutes later. Jack Hill strode through two challenges in midfield before threading the ball through the inside right channel for Breeden to run onto. His cross was heading wide of the far post but luckily Harry Hoffen was on hand to turn the ball home, the visitors appealing in vain for offside.

With fifteen minutes remaining and a two-goal cushion there should have been little cause for alarm but with three previous heavy defeats, the nerves displayed in the home side's play were understandable. Indeed, they manifested themselves in some style in a comical five-minute spell of true Arthurian League football.

Another Cholms attack through the middle of the park was ended abruptly by a mistimed challenge from Hill just inside the box, the referee pointing to the spot immediately. Griffiths, by this time sporting a chipped tooth as well as several other battlescars, dived low to his left to collect a weakly struck effort.

Unfortunately, instead of taking the sting out of the game and taking his time, the youngster threw the ball out to Lalude at right-back who panicked somewhat, lost possession and chaos ensued, Griffiths sprawled on the ground, the goal gaping and Molloy left with little option but to go through the back of the Cholms striker resulting in a second cast-iron (or 'stonewall') penalty. Again the penalty wasn't the best, again it was low to Griffiths' left and again he saved it, but the Harrow joy was short-lived, the ball being turned back in from a narrow angle by one of the few players who had bothered to follow up the spot-kick.

Ten minutes remaining and Harrow's lead was down to a single goal. Baker was brought off the bench to replace Hill (who made sure to remove his shirt before exiting just in case Griffiths' flatmtes were still watching) with specific instructions to shore up the middle of the pitch. He was quickly seen sprinting off up the left wing in search of Harrow's fourth, Richardson's pained expression showing how much he was enjoying captaining every week.

Paul Molloy collected a nasty blow to his side, Harder continued his one-man war with his opposite man and Harry Hoffen provided his usual comedy highlight by almost cuddling the Cholms right back to prevent him taking a late throw. The referee lost patience and added his name to the book.

But Harrow held on, to their great relief, and the dressing room, although resembling a scene from Casualty after the game, was a much happier place to be. One man who wasn't so happy however was Alex Cater who, having been an unused sub, then had to collect up the damp, sweat-stained kit ready for washing. Alex's day was ranked second in the most pointless OHAFC days out, only Charlie Tweddle's infamous trip to Brentwood, when he dislocated his shoulder trying to take his tracksuit top off prior to coming on as sub, ranking ahead of it.

At post-match drinks later on Saturday evening, skipper Ed Poulter, unable to attend the match, congratulated those present and, as an added bonus, he even got to meet the Queen, who was out and about in SW6 - rumour was Her Majesty had a table booked in Embargoes for later in the evening.

Next week: Blues return to League action with their first away game of the season, a trip to Richmond to face KCS Wimbledon.

*David Griffiths left on time for the Saracens rugby match, his trip to the cosmetic dentist is booked in for next week

*Alex Cater never made it to the pub, despite telling everyone he was going to 'get on it like a car bonnet'. He spent the night at home flicking between Tinder and Happn

*'Binny' Richardson turned up to watch the game unannounced, making half the team run much more than usual. She is welcome back to watch any game she likes

*Reg's flatmate Rosie is single. She is currently trawling the player profiles (1's and 2's only) to find a suitable match

*Alex Breeden spent the night at his mum's birthday party chatting up Chris Rea's daughter. He had no idea who Chris Rea was

*Paul Molloy got back home late to a frosty reception from his wife. His Saturday night was over before it had begun

*Jackie Woolley continues to only select the purple and green Quality Street from the tin at tea. The team know her secret but are saying nothing

*David Lederman never admitted to missing an absolute sitter. He knows the match report is being closely scrutinised for its accuracy

*Jack Hill arrived at the pub late dressed in a Benny from Crossroads style hat. He was immediately marked down as a potential future Weird List winner on tour

*Rupert Hoffen turned up at the pub unexpectedly, drank the one pint that was bought for him and left, claiming he would be back in an hour. He never returned

*Phil Berry was upset at being the only member of the 14-man squad not to get a mention in the match report. He still wasn't pacified by getting one of the small, amusing footnotes at the end and is threatening to play for the 2's next week