The inaugural OHAFC Christmas Table Tennis Tournament Spectacular took place at Bounce in London's Chancery Lane on Friday afternoon and proved a huge success for players and spectators alike.

1st XI midfielder Alex Breeden, whose uncle helped create and currently manages the cavernous Bounce club, home to 21 table-tennis tables including the one actually used in the London Olympics, arranged for a prime spot to be reserved for OHAFC use throughout Friday afternoon.

The original draw had 8 table-tennis heavyweights vying to be crowned OHAFC champion, a title that many had laid claim to over the course of the last few years: Milln, Lederman, Warner, Bourke, Hoffen R, Molloy, Tweddle and Defty.

Defty was a late withdrawal, but Hoffen H and Woolley were added at the request of the sponsors, meaning a final field of 9, with instructions to meet prior to the competition at Gaucho restaurant on Charlotte Street for pre-tournament administration and steak.

Nerves were clear from the outset, Hoffen R pacing the streets outside for minutes before finally descending the stairs to loud jeers from the crowd. His claim that he was 'clinching my last deal of the year' was given short shrift and he was soon confusing the poor Argentinian waiter with strange questions about the cuts of meat on offer.

For no apparent reason, Messrs Milln and Warner failed to show up, leaving a magnificent seven to polish off their hunks of beef and flagons of red wine before catching cabs to the tournament venue where the real business could begin.

After a short warm-up amid fairly chaotic scenes, balls and bats flying through the air of the festively festooned basement, the time for the competition draw arrived. To round out the draw to a full complement of 8, one player would be handed a bye. The draw threw up some tantalising fixtures, apart from the very first one, which was rubbish:

CUP QUARTER-FINALS:

1. BYE v Harry Woolley

2. Piers Bourke v David Lederman

3. Rupert Hoffen v Paul Molloy

4. Charlie Tweddle v Harry Hoffen

Woolley somehow scraped through his bye and then took to firing balls at the large crowd of annoying credit controllers who were spilling into the official competition area from the nextdoor table. The elderly gentleman carrying a large Christmas pudding on the front of his jumper and an even larger bottom behind him proved particularly difficult to budge, despite R Hoffen 'accidentally' spanking him hard with his bat before apologising profusely.

Lederman took little time to dispose of a disappointing Bourke and there were similarly one-sided wins for the two Hoffen brothers, Molloy and Tweddle quickly surmising they may not be the best players present. In fact, they were clearly the worst.

Two draws were then made, one for the main Cup competition, one for the Plate, allowing quarter-final losers some further gametime. At this point, Alex Breeden arrived, apparently having been in the pub for the last couple of hours. A pub shaped suspiciously like his bedroom perhaps.

He was immediately added to the Plate draw and the fixtures computer (piece of paper pulled out of an empty tin bucket) threw up the following matches:

CUP SEMI-FINALS:

1. Woolley v R Hoffen
2. Lederman v H Hoffen

PLATE SEMI-FINALS:

1. Molloy v Bourke
2. Tweddle v Breeden

The Plate semi-finals took place first, meaning that Woolley had spent two hours in the largest table-tennis club in northern Europe without actually playing any table-tennis. He sat back and watched as Bourke survived a late Molloy comeback and Breeden saw off Tweddle, showing that not all his year spent in Beijing had been wasted.

Woolley finally was allowed to play and he and Ru Hoffen fought tooth and nail in one of the best matches of the tournament, experience finally winning out over tinder by the narrowest of margins.

There was to be no dream (nightmare) final of Hoffen v Hoffen however, as despite holding 4-1 and 7-3 leads over Lederman, younger brother Harry couldn't last the pace, the tournament organiser stretching away at the end to the mild displeasure (yet secret awe) of those watching.

The minor placings were settled with Hoffen H beating Woolley 21-19 to claim third, Bourke defeating Breeden to finish fifth and Molloy overcoming Tweddle in the battle to avoid the wooden spoon. Tweddle didn't seem too concerned, quickly resuming his seat in the corner of the room from where he could anonymously launch balls at members of the public merrily carrying about their business without suspicion.

The final proved mildly controversial when the normally mild-tempered Rupert Hoffen turned as red as Rudolph's nose due to the continual disruption still emanating from the next door table. In a magnanimous gesture Lederman, who at the time was leading by several points, agreed to change sides to help calm his clearly rattled opponent. The switch was accepted, but only on condition the scores were reset to 0-0.

Lederman was angry. He removed his rather fetching new grey cardigan his mother had purchased for him and proceeded to put on a table tennis masterclass, winning out 21-15 to claim the trophy and the title of OHAFC Xmas Table Tennis Champion 2013.

Celebrations in the bar afterwards were suitably low-key, the combination of alcohol, women and hundreds of stray ping-pong balls proving no temptation whatsoever. Just as well for the three ladies at the end of the table the eight were sitting at, otherwise things could have got really annoying.

OHAFC Christmas Table Tennis Tournament Final Standings (and seeding for 2014):

1. 1.Lederman
2. 2.R Hoffen
3. 3.H Hoffen
4. 4.Woolley
5. 5.Bourke
6. 6.Breeden
7. 7.Molloy
8. 8.Tweddle

*Big thanks to Alex Breeden & his uncle for their kind hospitality, BOUNCE is a superb venue for those who haven't been yet - http://www.bouncepingpong.com/