Continuing our look back through the OHAFC replay booth at matchups played on this weekend last semester, three semesters ago and five semesters ago...today's highlights package is brought to you live from Denver, Colorado in the good ol' US of A!

Last Semester: February 23rd 2013

1st XI: Beat Chigwell Essexers 5-4 in a goalshower on the Hill. Defences were most definitely not on top in chilly conditions in north Londonshire and the goalshots began to fly in on a regular basis from two mid-table franchises.

The home ball club opened the scoring midway through the first period when a fine multi-partner move resulted in Fred Bunt sidewinding for Nohands Harder to headshoot home but the visitors were gifted an equalisation strike moments later via a big-time defensive foul-up involving Peers Berk and Will or Ewing.

Harrowers regained the lead in controversial style when linejudge Julian Courtenay awarded a 12-yard deathstrike that none of the Harrow Blues had appealed for, David Letterman showing no mercy to convert the death-kick. The home side scored a third prior to the main timeout when Nicky Deftly and Bunt closed down the flummoxed Essexers’ defensive quartet combo allowing Nohands Harder to run through unchallenged and score his second scoreshot past the lone net guard.

Any hopes of a comfortable plus-one in the win column were dispelled early in the second period when another piece of slack defensive action allowed the visitors to reduce the deficit to just uno but giant speed demon Eddie Martinez then scored with a totally awesome 25-yard howitzer to earn Harrowers a 4-2 lead with twenty minutes of regulation remaining.

Five minutes later the points were wrapped up with a bow on it when Letterman sprung the misjudged offside entrapment planning down the right hashtag to square for a totally free Berk to fire in. But there was still time for the home side to hand their opponents two further goalstrikes in the closing minutes thanks to some more douchebag defending. 5-4 was your final at the horn.

2nd XI: Crashed out cold the Old Citizens of London Town 6-1 in the round of sixteen of the Junior League Cup in association with Denny's in a matchup switched to Harrow's home field after Citizens, originally the home ball club franchise, could not enlist any legalized tournament officialinger.

BentKnee Soya-Inca, the famed most goalingest sophomore out of Chickasaw County, was once again the main spearhead of the offensive assault on the opposition with his seventh goalshot-trio in Harrow uniform, completed late on in regulation.

But after Davey Steed had given the Harrowers the lead, team captain America Cajun Chop'n'Punch came to the party big-time with two spectacular goalshots from outside the big scorezone, one an overhit sidewinder from way out near the bleachers which he later told ESPN reporters was ‘something I have been working on at camp’, the second a low grass-duster from the quarter-furlong marker that left the net guard looking like a major doucho.

Emperor Soya-Inca scored from the 12-yard deathstrike mark to make the half-time score 4-1 and the Harrowers remained comfortable in the second period, allowing the big offensive receiver to take it to the house twice more and earn himself the game ball which he was presented with in the locker room after the completion horn had sounded. Your Final here, six big ones to uno in favour of the Wandering Blue Hawks.

3rd XI: No matchup scheduled by the League fixture commissioner

Three Semesters Ago: February 25th 2012

1st XI: Lost 3-2 at Southern Conference play-off contenders Charterhouse in another rambunctious episode of ill-feeling between two storied franchises in recent semesters. As usual in these parts, the chief linejudge was at the center of the foul-ups, with several minor felonies going unpunished early on, resulting in both rosters taking increasing punishment as regulation wore on.

In a poor quality ball game, mainly due to the natural turf field being in no condition to play ball on, Harrowers took the lead midway through the first period when a dust-up inside the minor scorezone following a felony penalisation allowed legendary old-timer Field Marshall Queen Tom Baker to scorestrike home from zero yardage.

Although they held their advantage to the end of period two, the Blue Jays gifted their hosts an equaliser shortly after the intermission when usually sound net guard custodian Sgt Luke Rafferty made an uncharacteristic fumble to allow a simple low sidewinder to squirm from his grasp and be taken to the house by the incredulous defensive end.

Things went from bad to worse for the team on the road. On the hour mark a majorly controversial 12-yard death strike was awarded, despite the gallant Carter's House wide receiver admitting there had been zero contact inside the big scorezone. Experienced head linejudge Senator Ricky Wilson refused to switchback his clear mindmelt and the Charlie's House forward showed no favor to scoreshoot the deathstrike and take the Marroonies to the front, two to one.

A furious Harrowers team momentarily lost their mental focusment and conceded an easily avoidable third strike, although to their credit they continued to wage war and reduced the deficit to a single when Davey Ladies'man sent Harry HassleHoffman clean through to the end zone with a perfect inter-zonal friendship ball which the speedster from Full Ham duly converted with minor complications.

A deathstrike shout in Harrow’s favour was then ignored by Senator Wilson when Luke Duke Roogemount took a tumble in the big scorezone under pressure from two defensive ends and the matchup ended with both rosters refusing to rule out retaliatory action in future matchups and at the offseason Owners Meeting in Canton, Ohio. Get set for round two of this one folks, these two sure don't get along...

2nd XI: Safely secured their passage into the round of eight of the Minor Conference Trophy brought to you in association with JC Penney's with a 4-0 mauling of Old Berkham's Heads at the Harrow Ball Club ballpark.

Captain America Cajun Chop'n'Punch’s men had to overcome a no-nonsense, rootin', tootin' approach from their opponents but early goalstrikes from Warrior King Soy'n'Inca and little-known freshman Henry Frank Lynn settled any nerves and a rare second period double from understudy second-stringer Philly Berry ensured a clear highway through a potential roadblock matchup. Final from the Allcock Pavilion, Blues beat up real bad on the Berks, four to zip.

3rd XI: No matchup slated by the Conference Matchup Schedulization Senate Committee

Five Semesters Ago: February 20th 2010

1st XI: Defeated Lancing Reds 2-1 on the Harrow School New Fields field in a vital big W for Queen Tom Baker’s tribe. The unlikely fairytale run to the Conference championship for this Cinderella outfit continued thanks to two major league scorestrikes from local hero Eddie Martinez, with the winning goalshot a heat-seeking lazer-ball 25 yarder that zeroed into the top corner of the opposition scorecontainer and resulted in a crazed Martinez setting off on one of the most famous goalstrike celebrations seen in many a year: removing his upper uniform, he majorly paced it along the sideline, beating his chest like a crazed saskewatch to the astonishment of everyone packing the bleachers.

The clip made the top ten of the CBS/FOX highlights reel for eight months straight, charted at number one on the GMC Sierra 'Come On Man' Moment of the Week and led to calls in the Senate Upper House for League Commissioner 'Strange' Nicky Warner Bros to outlaw unrestricted goalshot celebratory moves.

The Bill was later defeated by a narrow majority thanks to a nifty Article 24 intervention on the buzzer by supreme legalization OHAFC vice-president Randy Butler, who testified following a supina brought by Lancing County Court Judge Nick Evens-Stevens.

2nd XI: Were despatched back down highway A40 courtesy of a 6 to 2 shelacking on the Harrowing Hill by Haber's Dashers, with consolation goalshots courtesy of little A Meer Shah and soon-to-be-promoted-point-saviour-senior Nicky Deftly.

3rd XI: 3rd Strong Roster still not handed no outing by not no-one dang it...

Other notable American events - February 22nd:

• 53rd day of the Gregorian schedulizer
• 56 days until Official Soccer Vacation to Federal Europe commences!
• 1732 George Washington, 1st President of the USA, is born
• 1879 Frank Woolworth opens the first ever Woolworths store in Utica, New York
• 1959 Lee Petty wins the first ever Daytona 500
• 1972 Michael Chang, American tennis player, was born
• 1974 Samuel Byck tries and fails to assassinate US President Richard Nixon
• 1975 Actress Drew Barrymore was born
• 1980 ‘The Miracle on Ice’ takes place, with the amateur US Olympic ice hockey team defeating their superstar Russian counterparts 4-3 in the gold medal match at Lake Placid, NY
• 1987 American painter and photographer Andy Warhol dies

US Conversion chart, Football > Soccer

A goal = A score

Header = Head kick

Clean sheet = Shut out

Penalty area = Big score zone

Goalkeeper = Net Guard Custodian

Penalty shootout = Scorezone deathstrike

Flat back four = Square defensive line combination quartet

Full time whistle = Completion horn

Yellow card = Minor felony signalisation

Red card = Major felony signalisation

Feigning a foul = Voluntary simulation plunge

Assistant referee = Sideline judge

Additional minutes indicated = Overtime verdict tablet adjudication

Referee = Super-sized douchebag

Have a great day now y’all! #letsplayball

*with thanks to Twitter account @USASoccerGuy for some of the material above and help with the conversions - well worth a follow folks!